Gamerscore Milestones

I was going through old files on my computer and came across some pictures I had taken when I reached a certain number of Gamerscore. This first one was taken when I reached 20,000 Gamerscore on December 21st, 2008. I had played various Xbox Live Arcade titles in an attempt to get the number just right -

783 days (or 2 years, 1 month, and 22 days) later on February 11th, 2011, I reached 45,000 Gamerscore. I don't remember why I took a picture of this, but I figure it's because I landed on a nice, even number.

Rocking my Limbo avatar awards.

It was 246 days later on October 14th, 2011, that I reached 50,000 Gamerscore. I had originally planned to get it with my brother while playing Gears of War 3, but my score reached 49,990 on October 7th, and it wouldn't have been possible to land on 50,000 if we kept playing. I somehow reached 49,995 (I can't figure out how) and tried playing Comix Zone and Street Fighter II': Hyper Fighting to get the last of the points, but needed something faster that wouldn't push me over 50,000. I then looked at Game Room's achievements and remembered that I never changed a theme in my arcade for 5 points. My brother disapproved of my method and thought it was cheap, but achievements are achievements, and I needed that perfect string of zeros.

That's right, I bought a Batman costume and Towelie prop. Worth it! Here's him stealing my Cheesy Poofs.

Gnome Chompski

There's something special about getting a game on launch day and playing through it with a bunch of affable strangers, all of who are trying to figure things out. It's not a situation I find myself in often, usually being "late to the party" and all, but it's always fun. Take Left 4 Dead 2, for example. Unlike the first game, I wasn't able to play with any of my friends, so the only way I was going to play co-op was with people I didn't know. A risky situation, sure, but better than playing alone.

Speaking of alone, I don't think I'm the only one who believes the Left 4 Dead games can be pretty damn difficult for a new player, even on the Normal difficulty setting. They become less challenging as you play through them multiple times, mastering the best ways to deal with the different special infected and crescendo events, but it can take hours to complete a campaign when a group of novices are thrown into the fray. Imagine, then, four strangers trying to complete the silly task of carrying a garden gnome through a campaign they've never experienced before, all for an achievement. Well, I did it mostly for the novelty of the situation, but points certainly don't hurt, and I would have doubted the commitment of the team otherwise.

I had just spent quite a while on the first campaign's final crescendo event, where players have to collect gas cans to fill up Jimmy Gibbs Junior's car to escape the mall. A couple of players had either quit or been kicked out due to their inability to follow the simplest of instructions, which consisted mainly of "stick together", but the eighth gas can had finally been collected, and it was time to move on to probably the most anticipated campaign for everyone in the game, Dark Carnival. Like with most games before I beat them, I had yet to look at the achievements for Left 4 Dead 2, so I was surprised when I came across Gnome Chompski at the beginning of the second chapter. One of the other players mentioned there was an achievement for carrying him through the campaign, and the general consensus was yeah, we have to do this.

We hit the button to start the shooting gallery, trying our best to reach the 750 points needed to unlock Gnome Chompski from his box on the wall, which took longer than it should have since we had yet to realize that shooting peanuts deducted points. We had to fight off small hordes of infected every so often, and one of the players grew impatient, but we ignored him and eventually achieved our goal. I took up the task of carrying Chompski, protecting him with my life and only putting him down in the most dire of situations. He was good at stunning enemies, at least. We reached the end of the chapter and all asked each other if an achievement unlocked, as we weren't sure if we had to carry the gnome through the entire campaign or just the chapter. It turns out it was the former. "Fine with me. This is fun!"

Having Mr. Chompski stare at me the whole time was kind of creepy, especially with the lighting in the Tunnel of Love reflecting off his face, but I loved him and protected him like my own. We grew close, him and I, and us and the rest of the survivors persevered until the crescendo event of chapter four, the part where you open the gates and have to push your way through the seemingly infinite horde of infected to reach the safe room. We were not prepared.

In the many times I have played and beaten Left 4 Dead 2, whether it's with friends or people I've never met, this bit in particular is one of the most difficult parts of the whole game. It's hard enough with a fully capable crew, but throw a gnome into the mix, disabling the carrier's ability to use a decent weapon and adding another thing to keep track of, and it can get pretty rough. And let's not forget this was our first time playing through the game.

It was like this, but with way more zombies.

So we tried. And tried. And tried some more. It became a sunk cost scenario, where we had invested so much time into this little gnome that there was no way we were going to give up now. And then something horrible happened. The gates had opened, I was being swarmed by infected, and Gnomey was nowhere to be found. He vanished, our memories the only evidence of his existence. We had been at this for well over an hour, and I sat him down in a corner so I could assist the team better, and now he was gone. The others pushed forward, and one by one we fell, but that impatient player I mentioned earlier? He made it to the safe house. There were to be no do-overs or retries; we had to continue and finish the campaign. We eventually made it to the helicopter, but something about our victory felt a little empty.

It was two days later that I returned to the campaign by myself. I put it on Easy, determined to get that goddamn achievement and rescue Gnomey from his eternal imprisonment. I was successful. You may call my success hollow, but I've rescued Gnomey enough times since then with different people on harder difficulties that it doesn't really matter. The gnome always escapes. Always.

While I may never know what happened to Gnome Chompski on that fateful day, my theory is that a boomer exploded and sent him flying to an unreachable part of the level. It happened to me during one of my later attempts, at least.

So, what's next for my gnome-based achievement adventures? Why, placing Gnomey in that rocket in Half-Life 2: Episode Two, of course! He always said he wanted to fly...

Valve's Christmas Gift

I decided to do something special for Christmas 2009 and bought both sets of Valve's Left 4 Dead Holiday Cards. After filling them out for family and friends, I still had a bunch left over (there were a lot of cards), so I started filling out cards for things that don't fall under "family and friends", like Giant Bomb and Valve. Yes, I sent a Left 4 Dead themed Christmas card to Valve. This one, in fact:

The Left 4 Dead Christmas card I sent to Valve in 2009.

I even drew a picture on the left side. What's on the right is none of your business! Not that it's anything personal - I just believe a message in a Christmas card should only be read by those it was sent to.

To my surprise, I received this envelope shortly after. Apparently they got my card:

What Valve sent me in return for the Christmas card I mailed them.

So, what was inside? Why, Left 4 Dead bumper stickers, of course! The fact that they sent something back in return is pretty awesome:

Soon. Soon everyone will know your face.

Here's what I sent to Giant Bomb, back when they were in Sausalito!:

I picked this one specifically because it had Bill on it.

Man, Christmas 2011 needs to hurry the hell up! I hope it gets cold in this part of North Carolina. If only Jack in the Box still carried taco nachos, I could celebrate Christmas just as I did then... by watching Giant Bomb content and eating delicious, greasy fast food.

Good times.

Here are the rest of the cards:

The Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2 Christmas cards I bought.

And here is White Fluffy Kitty attacking the cards:

White Fluffy Kitty attacking the Left 4 Dead Christmas cards.

And here is White Fluffy Kitty making amends for attacking the cards by licking my hand:

Dead Zombie Butt

The difficulty in obtaining the above image is testament to how large of a problem this really is.

Left 4 Dead is one of the greatest zombie games ever made. This isn't due to the awesome and addictive cooperative gameplay, but due to DEAD ZOMBIE BUTT. No Mercy - Chapter 4 is the best level out of the whole game for this simple reason.

It's silly to think that everybody will be fully dressed when they become infected, so why don't more zombie-themed games feature dead zombie butt? Is it because developers are too scared to feature nudity in their games? If so, that shouldn't be an issue. The following is a scanned image of the ESRB rating for Left 4 Dead:

Thanks for at least not putting a sticker over the ESRB rating, GameStop.

Notice anything missing? Exactly. Nowhere does it mention nudity, even though there are quite a few dead zombie butts in the game. Sure, showing a couple of buttcheeks is no longer a big deal nowadays. You see them all the time on TV, even in cartoons and such, but those shows don't get as graphic as Left 4 Dead. In Left 4 Dead, a slaughtered zombie can fall down and be positioned in all sorts of different ways, and on multiple occasions, I have killed the gown-wearing zombies in such a manner that they land with their ass up in the air, Johnny Sasaki-style, but this time, nothing is blurred out!

Valve has always been a pioneer in the gaming industry, and dead zombie butt is no different. Hopefully in the future, other game developers will wise up and realize how excluding zombie nudity is detrimental to their games. I'm sure Left 4 Dead wouldn't have sold nearly as well if it omitted such an important addition. Left 4 Dead 2 did so well because Valve ignored the controversy and continued to feature an abundance of zombie upskirt. The Spitters even wear pink thongs! Truly, they are a master of their craft, and I would love to see other developers take things further.

Stealth in Multiplayer

I love it! There is nothing more satisfying for myself than sneaking up on an enemy player, taking them out, and escaping to safety without alerting anyone else. It's even better when I successfully take out the person who comes looking for them. This is why Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow is one of the best multiplayer experiences I have ever had to date. Released in 2004, Pandora Tomorrow introduced a unique multiplayer mode that has yet to be matched by another series. Titled "Spies Vs. Mercs", the gameplay style was drastically different based on who you were playing as. Playing as a Merc, you were placed into a first-person view with a fully-automated machine gun and were given various pieces of additional equipment like grenades and mines. As a Spy, you played from a third-person perspective with a Taser gun and had equipment like flashbangs and sticky cameras. Each team consisted of only two players, and every player had limited lives. Mercs had three each, and Spies had four. Once you ran out of lives, you were done until the next match.

Playing as a Merc was scary. The first-person view naturally limited what you could see around you, and there was always this constant fear that a spy was about to grab you from behind and break your neck. Thankfully, some of this fear was negated due to the greater firepower you had, but greater firepower doesn't mean shit when in a chokehold.

Playing as a Spy, however, was where the game really shined for me. As a Spy, you always felt in control. Any good stealth player knows the key to being successful is by staying hidden but always knowing where your enemies are. I was always filled with glee as I watched my enemies scurry about trying to locate me, knowing that they will fail and that in a few seconds, they'll be dead. When switching sides though, it was always unnerving knowing that somewhere, anywhere, someone was watching everything I do, just waiting for that opportune moment to strike.

When the sequel to Pandora Tomorrow, Chaos Theory, was released, I was excited to be able to take my stealth skills into a co-op story mode. None of my friends had Pandora Tomorrow, so I always had to play with randoms (and as usual, with mixed results). Playing through Chaos Theory with my friend Jarvis though was the first time I had played this style of game with a friend, and it quickly became one of my favorite co-op experiences ever. Deciding who will take which path, setting ourselves up so we can take out enemies at the same time without alerting anyone else, and helping each other reach locations otherwise impossible all added to the unique fun that Chaos Theory provided at the time. I am really happy to know that I can continue my stealth adventures in the upcoming Splinter Cell: Conviction.

Thankfully, I don't have to wait until February to get my fix. While not strictly stealth games, there are some titles out there that satisfy my need with a friend. Modern Warfare 2 is the most obvious one at the moment. Replicating scenarios from the campaign, there are a few Spec Ops missions in which stealth in the primary focus. Playing these on Veteran with a friend is a ton of fun, and if we mess up, we still have a chance to survive without having to start over. The real fun, though, comes from not getting caught. Situations often play out like this:

"Stop! You see those four guys over there?"

"No, where?"

"Look to your right a little more."

"Ah ok, yeah, I see them."

"Ok, I'll take the two on the left, you take the two on the right, good?"

"Gotcha."

"Ok, on three. One...two...three!"

*All four enemies drop simultaneously. None of the surrounding enemies are alerted.*

"Beautiful."

It's immensely satisfying successfully pulling something like this off. You just feel so goddamn cool.

While quite different than the previous games I have mentioned, the Left 4 Dead series provides similar moments with a team. Playing as the Infected in Versus, staying hidden until the right moment and coordinating your attacks with your fellow players is key to winning, and getting the drop on two or more players that are separated from their team makes you feel just as badass as Modern Warfare 2 does, if not more so. In Left 4 Dead, you are usually dealing with real people and the execution requires more planning and is more difficult to actually pull off. Lining up a scope is far easier than lining up that perfect pounce as a Hunter!

As co-op becomes more prominent, we'll get to enjoy a greater deal of unique experiences that don't involve a basic first-person shooter where you just run around blasting everything in sight. I look forward to what 2010 will bring us, starting with a return to one of my favorite series: Splinter Cell.